we should swim in a fountain

[withimpunity]

My stomach is in knots, my hands are shaking, and I think I'm going to throw up in a minute or two. Yep, just had to call someone. At least the person I was calling was the therapist?

Today I want to SCREAM and IDK, get rid of everything in my house and rearrange the furniture for the 13th time and paint the walls and get in my car and drive FOREVER, change my name to Anne and work part-time at a tiny bookstore that smells like incense and a diner that sells pancakes but not waffles and write stories about the people I meet and learn French.

I just want to be a different me.

Comments

[puckling]

Oh bb. Take care of yourself, alright. And start French lessons if you want to. Who says you can't make some change after all?

[withimpunity]

Thank you, bb! I have ~plans in order, going to school next semester. I just. The in-between time is kind of killing me. Just a no good day. Better now. :D

[burningchaos]

You wouldn't be bipolar would you? I feel like that quite often and I am. *hugs* stay safe.

[withimpunity]

It is a possibility. Which is why I've been trying to get in to a therapist for the past 3 weeks. I'm finally ready to talk to someone and get the proper medication and its just so frustrating. I don't currently have insurance so I'm going through an organization here that bases it on your income and well, they're fucking me around, basically.

Also, I read your post on lj and want to give hugs. Those days always suck.

[burningchaos]

*hugs back* I wish you luck, and when they give you meds be careful. Someone them really, really kick your ass.

[withimpunity]

Yeah, I know. I've been on a couple. Zoloft was the first and that nearly made me suicidal. Then I was on Lexapro for a few years, but never prescribed by an actual psychologist/psychiatrist.

[burningchaos]

depacote, neurontin, and wellbutrin aren't bad, there are a handful of others that are pretty good too but in the last 13 years I've probably been on everything at least once lol.