rps fic: jared/jensen

[withimpunity]

The Brightest Stars are Falling Down (1/2)
Jared/Jensen
Adult
3,867 words
What am I doing here, If you're not with me?
What have I got to live for, if its just my own dream?

It happened once. Once, and they weren't drunk, they weren't high, weren't even overly tired. They had absolutely no excuse for what happened. It just did. And then they never talked about it again.

 

 

 

//

 

 

They'd been playing ball with Steve and Jason and a couple of other guys from work all afternoon. Jensen's leaning against the counter, naked from the waist up, wiping the sweat off of his face with his t-shirt. Jared doesn't realize he's staring until Jensen's eyes connect with his and his face starts to feel a little hot and the tip of Jensen's tongue peaks out of his mouth to wet his lips and it just happens. They both feel it, they both know they want it. There's no hesitation, nothing.  There's just Jared's hand planted on Jensen's hip, kissing him like he's never kissed anyone before, like he could eat Jensen whole, taste him in the back of his mouth forever, like its the last mouth he ever wants to kiss for the rest of his life. 

 

The back door squeaks and they both jump practically out of their skin, Jensen's hand shoving Jared away, staring at him accusingly as he drags the back of his hand over his mouth.  They stay where they are, quiet and still, as Derek grabs another beer out of the fridge and heads back out. 

 

The reality of what just happened is crisp in the air now, electric, like if he touches Jensen, even with the tip of his finger, he might get shocked. 

 

"Jen..."

 

"It's okay," Jensen blurts out, words tripping over themselves. "Jared. It is.  Just. It was just an accident."

 

An accident, Jared thinks. Right. I accidentally put my tongue down your throat.  "An accident?"

 

"Whatever, okay? Are you gay? Cause I'm not."

 

"No! I mean-"

 

"Well okay, then. We good?"

 

"Yeah." Jared has no idea what just happened. "Yeah, of course we are."

 

 

 

//

 

 

They never talk about it, buts its there. Its the one constant thing between them. When they don't know if they'll get picked up another season, when Sandy and Jared get engaged, then un-engaged, when they move in together, when Kim passes away - it's still there, always. Like dead skin, and they keep scratching at it, worrying it, just making it worse.  

 

Jensen never wanted to move in with Jared. Knew it was a bad idea from the start, but never was very good at refusing Jared anything. Now he's only a few rooms down, close enough to hear Jared snoring at night. Close enough to hear other things too.  He's there in the morning when Jared stumbles through the house with his boxers slung too low on one side, scratching his chest, mumbles to Sadie and Harley about something Jensen can't hear.  It's a pain Jensen can't find the words to describe. It just aches and aches all through him, throbbing some days, stabbing and insistent on others. He doesn't know how much longer he can do this. He doesn't know how much longer he can lie to himself.

 

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

Jared's never been good with dealing. This is no different. Watching Jensen lean close to her, whisper in her ear, watching her face light up when she giggles and takes another sip of wine - it makes him physically ill.  So he does the only thing he can think of. He fucks Genevieve.

 

She's pretty and tiny, and he likes girls like that, the way they just get lost underneath him. She's rough too, though.  When he fucks her, she leaves scratches so deep they take days to heal, and pulls his hair, bites his shoulder so hard it bruises. She doesn't seem to mind when he's rough with her either.

 

They go to Jensen's birthday together and he has to watch Jensen get drunk on Patron, tries not to watch Danneel bouncing around in his lap, sharing his cigarette.  He tries, but it doesn't work.  

 

"Hey, enjoying my party?" Jensen staggers toward him, bumping into Jared's shoulder. It doesn't move Jared very much, but Jensen teeters back and forth and Jared has to catch him, let his fingers curl around the little curve of Jensen's muscle. His accent always comes out thick when he's been drinking and where it used to make Jared think of home and cheap beer county fairs, now it just makes him hard, makes him remember how Jensen's teeth just barely grazed his bottom lip when they kissed that one time.  Jared can't believe he still remembers everything about that day. It was four years ago, but he can still taste the sweat and Corona that was on Jensen's tongue. 

 

"Happy birthday, Jen." Jared says. Its supposed to sound happy, but it comes out sad and empty.  Jensen looks up at him, pupils half way to being totally blown from being drunk and maybe something else, and Jared feels that warmth start to swirl in his belly again, lets his hand slip from Jensen's arm to his chest, fingers slowly dragging down Jensen's shirt.

 

"Jared," Jensen says softly and wets his lips, leaning in.

 

"Hey baby!" Danneel comes up behind them, barrelling straight into Jensen's back, forcing him against Jared's chest. "Oh my God, I am such a clutz. Sorry!"

 

Jensen looks up and he's so close Jared can smell the cigarette's and tequila on his breath.  They're pressed against each other, chest to chest, and it feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. It lasts only a second and then Danny's pulling Jensen away, babbling about body shots. Jensen looks back once and licks his lips.

 

"Hey, where ya been?" Genevieve asks next to him, slipping her hand inside Jared's.  

 

"Just gettin' another beer," Jared says. He's watching Danneel make Jensen dance with her across the room.  Jensen's still looking at him, holding his gaze, like they're having some kind of staring contestant, daring Jared to look away first. Finally, he turns to Genevieve. "Hey, you wanna go upstairs?"

 

"Seriously?" Gen questions, but she doesn't look like she's going to say no.

 

"It's a party, right?" Jared grins. He gives Jensen one last glance before taking her hand and leading her upstairs. 

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

It's so wrong. It's so, so wrong. God, Jared's fucking wasted and he still knows how wrong it is, but he just can't help himself.  His room is downstairs where all the people are. Jensen's room is upstairs, away from everyone. It just makes sense.  

 

 

"Yeah, baby. God yes," Gen moans as he goes down on her, pretty little legs wrapped around his head, dripping her juices all over Jensen's comforter.  God, the room smells just like him.  Rustic and herbal, a little spicy like the cologne he wears, and its making Jared's dick so hard he can barely stand it. He strips off his clothes and climbs up the bed toward her, lifting her hips and throwing her legs over his shoulders.  He leans down, buries his face into the pillow next to her head.  It smells like Jensen's shampoo, like sweet green apples, hint of lingering cigarette smoke underneath. Jared groans and sinks his teeth into Gen's neck. 

 

"Ow, fuck!" She screams, but she's touching herself now, trying to get off. Jared's close, and it feels really nice, but he needs...he needs more.

 

"On your knees," He mumbles as he pulls out of her and Gen smirks, obeying though, and rolls onto her stomach, lifting up on her knees.  They do it from behind all the time; it's her favorite position. But Jared's got something else in mind this time. "Suck on 'em," he orders, shoving two fingers into her mouth.  She's a good girl, does what she's told, and gets his fingers good and wet.  

 

"Whoa, what the-"  She stammers when Jared spreads her cheeks wide, pushing a finger into her tight pucker. She tries squirming away, but he holds onto her hips tight, won't let her go far.  

 

"Shh," Jared hushes her, peppering her shoulders with soft kisses.  "For me?" He asks.  

 

"Jared..."

 

Jared persuades her by slipping two fingers into her cunt as his other two stretch her open.  The nonsensical string of profanities that flow out of her mouth make him smile. "See, knew you were a dirty girl, Gen.  You'll like it, just relax."

 

Genevieve laughs a little bit and sighs. "Okay, freak."

 

When he can't wait any longer, Jared rummages through the night stand next to Jensen's bed and borrows his half empty bottle of astroglide.  He slicks his cock up real nice and pushes the head inside of her. 

 

"Oh fuck, I c-can't-"

 

"You can," Jared says to her, rubbing her back in slow, soothing circles.  "Promise. Touch yourself for me."  She does and it helps. Everytime she pushes her fingers inside of her wet pussy, she rocks back a little, shoving his cock a little deeper.

 

"Jesus," Jared gaps, fingernails leaving blunt half-moon marks on her hips.  He doesn't last long. She's so hot and fucking tight inside, squeezing his dick like a vice, and when he closes his eyes Jared sees green eyes and short hair, creamy white skin painted with caramel freckles all over, and Jared just fucking sobs when he comes.  

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

"Hey." Jensen says, but he's not meeting Jared's eyes.  Its how Jared knows he's not going to like what's about to come out of his mouth. Jensen picks up an empty snickers wrapper on the couch and folds it up until its as small as his thumbnail.  "I, uh, asked her.  I asked Danny to marry me."

 

Jared's lungs collapse.  "She say yes?"

 

Jensen nods.  

 

Ok, Jared thinks. Ok.  He takes a deep breath and goes to that place, not the Sam Winchester place or the Dean Forrester place, but its the same concept.  He puts on the biggest smile, plays the part of the happy best friend, congratulates Jensen over and over, punches him playfully in the arm and makes him promise that Jared will be his best man. 

 

Jared doesn't come home that night. He goes to a bar far out of town, get wasted, takes a pretty little pill from a pretty little boy with short, spiked hair and freckles, takes him back to a hotel room and fucks the taste out of his mouth.

 

When he wakes up the next morning, he has six voicemails. Five of them are from Jensen.  He doesn't listen to them first, just calls him.

 

"Jared?" Jensen's trying not to sound panicked, but Jared can hear it in his voice anyway. Jared knows everything about him. Jared knows things about Jensen that Jensen doesn't even know.  

 

"I'll be there in twenty minutes, just let me get dressed."

 

"Dressed?" Jensen's not even trying to mask it anymore. "Where the hell are you? Did you even come home?"

 

"No, I felt like going out."  

 

"Didn't feel like telling me that either, I suppose?"

 

Jared's jaw clenches reflexively.  "I'm not your girlfriend, Jensen. I don't have to tell you where I'm going."

 

The line is quiet for the longest time, then Jensen says, "See you on set," hollow and empty.  Its the same way Jared feels.

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

The show ends and they both move back to LA.  Jared doesn't know why he bought that house so close to Jensen's. At one time he'd thought they could have parties and barbecues and well, invade each other's space like they've done for the last five years.  But if he's being honest with himself, he just wanted to be close to him. If he's being honest, he doesn't remember how to function without Jensen at arm's reach. Jensen takes care of him. Did, Jensen did take care of him. Now he's got someone else to take care of. 

 

The wedding's in June.  Sometimes Jensen comes over to escape the constant barrage of wedding planning going on at his house, but they don't talk about it.  They talk about football, the weather, the mystery that is hot dogs coming in packs of ten and hot dog buns in packs of eight, about scripts they've been sent, anything besides the fact that in two months, Jensen's going to be married and Jared's going to wondering around, feeling like he lost a limb. 

 

Danneel goes with her mom to pick out a dress and they play Call of Duty for a while, watch some Indie movie on netflix, talk about all the crap their agents are handing them.  They go through a case of beer, two steaks, and some wine.  Jensen helps Jared clear the table and Jared puts them in the dishwasher, the same way they used to do at their house in Vancouver. Jensen checks Harley and Sadie's bowls and refiills them because he knows how much of a priss Sadie is if her bowl isn't filled to the top.  It startles him when Jared reaches down, wraps his fingers around Jensen's wrist.  

 

"Jen," Jared says softly - he's letting his hair grow out again and it falls in front of his eyes.  "You don't have to do that anymore."

 

Jensen swallows.  "I know that." He mutters, putting the dog food back in the pantry. "I just like to. I...miss it."

 

Jared bites the inside of his cheek. "I miss it too," He almost whispers.  

 

He sees it coming this time.  Its not spontaneous or out of their control this time. Jared could reach out and stop it if he wanted to. Jensen's getting married in two months; he should stop it. But he doesn't. Jensen puts his hand on Jared's chest, leans in, and presses their mouths together.  They stay like that for a second, Jared's hand wrapped around Jensen's arm, then Jared parts his mouth and Jensen starts kissing him. Its like a dam broke, frantic and hungry, like all of the tension and secrecy is pouring out of him and into Jared.  Their teeth bump, Jared knocks the coffee pot over, Jensen bites his lip, his neck, his ear. Its messy and sloppy and Jensen's got his fingers in Jared's hair, tugging him closer, even thought they're already practically fused together.  Jared gets his fingers in the hem of Jensen's shirt and tugs it off over his head, slams him up against the refrigerator and kisses him, slotting his thumbs in the little dips of Jensen's hips. Jensen's fingers blindly work at the buttons on Jared's shirt, pulling it off his arms and discarding it on the floor.  He makes a frustrated sound at the shirt underneath, damning Jared for always wearing so many layers.  Jared helps him, pulling his own shirt off. It lands in the garbage but no one seems to notice.  

 

Jensen's hands are all over him, fingers mapping out every contour of Jared's muscles as they fuck each other with mouths and tongues and teeth. Jensen's mouth feels sore and bruised, his lips feel chapped, but Jared's skin is hot and hard beneath his hands and he can feel Jared's cock digging into his thigh, and after that he can't think about much else.  He wraps his hands around Jared's waist, letting them drift to the top of his ass and pulls Jared's body flush against his.

 

"Jen," Jared gasps and buries his face in Jensen's neck, rutting up against him like a horny fifteen year old boy not ready for sex, but still needing to get off. 

 

"Here," Jensen whispers hoarsley, popping the button on Jared's jeans, then his own. "Like - like this."  

 

They've still got boxers between them but it feels almost like the real thing, feels so good Jared doesn't think he's going to last much longer. Its a little embarrassing, but he doesn't care. He's been waiting for this for five fucking years, there's no way he's going to last more than five minutes. "JenJenJen," he chants, fingers digging into Jensen's hips as he grinds their cocks together.

 

"Oh God. Jay - I'm-" Then Jared feels it; Jensen's body quakes and he feels the liquid warmth seeping through Jensen's boxers and Jared has to bite down on Jensen's shoulder to keep from shouting as he comes in his own shorts, their dicks soft and slick against each other.  

 

They take a moment to catch their breath, neither saying anything or hardly moving at all.  Sometimes Jared feels like Jensen is some kind of drug and when he's with him he just sort of black outs. And when he comes to he has no idea what he just did. 

 

Finally, Jared backs away and zips up his pants, picks his shirt up and puts it back on.  Harley's staring at them and Jared can't help but think she's judging him. He picks up a squeaky toy and throws it into the living room, distracting her.  He looks at Jensen but Jensen won't look at him.

 

"I'm marrying her." Jensen mutters and opens the door. Before it shuts, Jared thinks he hears him say, "I'm sorry." 

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

"Hey sexy." Danny says when she gets home, drags him to the bedroom and strips down to her underwear.

 

They don't have sex much, but Danny thinks its sweet, how Jensen's not one of those guys thats only interested in sex.  When they do, its from behind, on her knees, so he doesn't have look at her face or touch her tits.  Its the only way he manages to stay hard and get off.  Either she's too stupid to notice or she's in denial. Jensen guesses that makes two of them.

 

 

//

 

 

 

Jensen looks amazing in his tux, but Jared barely notices. He's too busy keeping up the charade, all of his energy going toward being the best man, the best friend, trying to pretend like its not shredding his heart into ribbons.  He keeps patting his own chest, checking to make sure there's not a big, gaping hole there. 

 

He's helping Jensen with his tie because he's too nervous to get it straight when Jensen grabs his wrist and looks at him. "Thank you," He says. His eyes are big and round, apologetic for so many things. "For doing this, Jared. Thank you."

 

"You're my best friend." Jared shrugs.  It's probably the biggest lie he's ever told. Jensen hasn't been just his best friend in years. But its good enough for Jensen who just pulls him into a hug that probably last too long and thanks him again, for everything.  

 

The wedding goes by like a blur for Jared, which blames on Jensen for deciding to have an open bar.  He's had one of everything and lots of Tequila. Its much easier this way. He's at the bar when they cut the cake, in the bathroom taking a piss for the eight time when they do the whole first dance thing.  

 

"Hey, boy." Its Jeff grabbing him by the arm when he nearly runs straight into the refreshment table.  "What the hell's going on with you?" 

 

"Always a best man, never a man...man." Jared slurs drunkenly and laughs at himself, leans onto Jeff because the floor seems to be slipping out from under him. 

 

"Come on, Jared.  Let's get you some air."

 

"How can I breathe with no aiiiir," Jared sings off-key and loudly. People stare as Jeff walks him outisde. He doesn't give a shit.

 

They sit down on the steps outside the reception hall and Jeff puts his arm around Jared but Jared shrugs it off.  The night air is thick and humid, he can hardly breathe as it is.  That's bullshit though; Jared hasn't been able to breath in months.

 

"Son, you are fucking shitfaced at your best friends wedding. You best start explaining." 

 

Jared leans into him, putting his hand around Jeff's ear.  "I'm in love with Jensen. Shh, don't tell Danneel."

 

"Oh. Fuck."

 

"Mmm," Jared nods and hurls into the rosebushes.

 

 

 

 

//

 

 

"Jared? You out here?"

 

Jared groans. Can't anyone leave him the fuck alone? "What do you want?"

 

"Jeff told me you were out here." Jensen's tie is askew and his cheeks are red, the way they get when he's been drinking heavily.

 

"I told Jeff to mind his fucking business."

 

"Jared-"

 

"Spare me, Jensen.  Go dance and eat cake and take your pretty bride on her honeymoon and fuck her brains out and just SPARE ME, OKAY?"

 

"Jared, please don't."

 

Jared's shoulders fall. God, he's so tired. He feels like crumbling, crawling into a hole in the ground and dying there.  "I can't believe you did it."

 

"I had to."

 

"God, fuck you! Why did you have to, Jensen? Because no one would hire you if they knew you liked it up the ass? Who. The Fuck. Cares? I fucking - I would do fucking anything for you! Anything. I love you so much I want to cut open my chest and rip my fucking heart out so it won't hurt anymore. So if that's what you think you had to do, then fuck you. Okay?"

 

"Jared..."

 

"I'm sure your wife's wondering where you are-"

 

"JARED! Goddammit!" Jensen fists his hands in Jared's suit and shakes him. Jared's head lolls against the brick wall behind him.  Jensen sighs and presses his forehead to Jared's. "I love you too. I don't think I've ever not loved you."

 

"What?" It doesn't make sense. Every time Jensen walked away from him. Every time looked away, ignoring what was between them, getting engaged-

 

"Fuck. Fuck!' Jensen covers his face with his hands. He's shaking. "God, I screwed up. I screwed up so fucking FUCKING bad! I didn't know - I thought. I didn't think it meant anything to you and I didn't want. Oh God, I fucked everything up." All the color has drained out of his face and he's hyperventilating and Jared, Jared just can't believe that Jensen could ever think that he didn't want him, every part of him. 

 

"I love you," Jared grabs him by the face and kisses him, tequila bitter on the back of his tongue. " And I want you." 

 

"Want you too," Jensen mumbles, twisting his fingers in Jared's collar so he can kiss him deeper. "Always fuckin' have."

 

Jared kisses him and kisses him. Kisses the taste out of his mouth, kisses him until his lips feel raw and bloody and he still wants more.

 

"You're hard," Jared whispers next to his ear, reaching down to cup Jensen through his pants.  

 

"Jesus," Jensen gasps as Jared squeezes him, arching into his touch. He bites his lip when Jared kneels down on the ground in front of him and pops the button open on his pants.  "What are you doing?"

 

"Giving you your wedding present," Jared says, right before he wraps his lips around Jensen's cock.

 

 

 

//

 

 

 

"Hey sweetie," Danny says when he comes back inside, looking a little more lively and a little less suicidal. "You get Jared all straightened out?"

 

"Yeah," Jensen says, slipping his arm around her waist dutifully.  Jared's sitting at a table across the room talking to Jeff.  "Yeah, I think he's going to be all right.  He just needed someone to tell him what he needed to hear."

 

"He's so lucky to have you." She leans in and pecks him on the cheek.

 

Jensen's smile for her is bittersweet.

 

 

Note: Wanna know the creepy thing? I totally started this like a week before they got engaged. Lol.

Comments

[kilynn16.livejournal.com]

Ow, ow, ow...but hot at the same time. I'm not sure how that works, but it does. ♥

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

Its weird, I must have been in a really angsty mood when I wrote it or something, because I didn't think it was THAT bad, but now you're the second person to say that, lol.

[itskaylie.livejournal.com]

*____*

<33333333333333333333333

;_____; <33

I love thiiissss. : ((( Its so epic and perfect <33

[oh-mcgee.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you!