I'm very fond of the last two lines, perfect way to end a Bard/Ray story. You write dirty sex sound perfectly gentle with the way you form your sentences, I aodred it.
In the beginning, you mention something about the marine corps, you refer to the corps as the corp. The 's' is always present, strangely enough, it's also pronouced core...even though there's a p and s.
:] That's all that needs fixing for techincal terms, creative writing wise- I say again, I adore and Lovely.<3
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Date: 2008-10-31 12:32 am (UTC)In the beginning, you mention something about the marine corps, you refer to the corps as the corp. The 's' is always present, strangely enough, it's also pronouced core...even though there's a p and s.
:]
That's all that needs fixing for techincal terms, creative writing wise- I say again, I adore and Lovely.<3